It is common to make the odd blunder when learning a new language. In all honesty, making mistakes is often the best way of learning (after the initial embarrassment has passed). Throughout July, AMAUTA ran a 'Battle of the Bloopers' competition in which we set out to find some of the most comical language slip-ups. We gathered the best ones, and now we want YOU to vote on your favorite blooper. The winning blooper will receive 2 weeks of FREE group lessons in our Cusco or Buenos Aires location.

A cow, a tube, and a wolf… on my!

I have countless stories of times where I have said the wrong thing on my journey to learn Spanish. I have told a cook in Cuba that there were bears in my fish (I was thinking "huesos", said "osos", and really should have said "espinas" - lesson learned), informed a crowd in Argentina about Vesuvius, the amazing burping mountain of ancient times (apparently "eruptar" does not mean "erupt"), and have made the classic "tengo veintidos anos" error. However, despite all of these slips of the tongue, perhaps my most memorable foreigner-learning-Spanish moment came when I misunderstood someone else who was speaking. The conversation itself was strange to begin with, with a friend native to Argentina telling me about an odd experiment done by the government to discover how much toxic gas was being emitted into the atmosphere by the large number of cattle that roam the South American country. Whether or not this odd experiment is true I do not know, but I listened politely as my friend informed me that the experiment was very simple - all that was required was "una vaca" (a cow), "un tubo" (a tube) and "un lobo" (a wolf). El tubo was inserted (politely, I'm sure) into the backside of la vaca, the originating source of the toxic fumes. On the other end of the tube was attached el lobo, which would inflate, thus allowing the scientists to measure the gas being emitted. I must have had a bewildered look on my face, because my friend asked me if I understood. "Well," I said innocently, "I guess I'm just confused as to why they would put a wolf on the other end of the tube... and how did they get it to stay there?". My friend burst out laughing and it took him a good few minutes to calm down enough to give me the explanation - "GLOBOS" (balloons), not "lobos" were the true recipients of the unpleasant flatulence. We laughed all night about the poor wolf inflating, deflating and inflating again while attached by a tube to a cow's backside.

I was at a bookstore in Lima looking for a present for my girlfriend's mother who likes to sew, stitch, and crochet. I asked the girl working the following question:

"Donde estan los libros de coger?"

She immediately turned red and at that point I realized that without thinking, I, of course, asked for books on having sex but in a probably vulgar way. I corrected myself with the correct verb of "coser" and had a nice laugh.

It was an open day at Spanish school in our city, and a teacher from Spain conducted the lecture. I was late and as I was starting to study Spanish, I phoned my friend and asked her how to say "I'm sorry I'm late" in Spanish. When I finally made it to the door, I knocked and opened it. All the students and the teacher drew their attention on me. Probably because of the classroom's excitement or maybe because of poor phone hearing, I said the following: "Hola. Lo siento, se me hizo tarta" instead of "tarde". Students began to laugh hard. But the teacher was not confused, and said, "Bueno! Espero que usted comparta conmigo!"

On a terrace in Spain, I wanted to ask if we could eat something. The waiter appeared quickly, and I didn't have time to think what to ask. I said, "Tengo algo para comer?" My boyfriend, who doesn't speak Spanish, nodded agreeably, proud that his girlfriend speaks Spanish.

The waiter turned completely red. I did not completely understand until a friend of mine explained later that this phrase is used often in porn movies. Oops!

I was living in Mexico for 7 weeks trying to improve my Spanish. On my first evening with my host family I was helping to clean up the kitchen and I put the jar of mayonnaise in the refrigerator. I was told no no don't put that in the fridge. The lime inside of it keeps it fresh. I decided on that day not to eat mayonnaise since it doesn't have any preservatives in it and was not refrigerated. So, for the next few weeks when I went out to eat (everyday!) I would be careful of what I ordered and asked to not have mayonnaise on it. I would say "Por favor, no quiero mayonnesa. No come mayonesa sin PRESERVATIVOS." Which, in my mind was "No mayo please. I don't eat mayonniase without preservatives in it". I often got weird looks, chuckles etc., but it worked. No mayo on anything. On week 6 I was out to a small restaurant and sat at a table across from my Spanish teacher. I once again said my handy no mayonnaise request and he started to laugh. He said "creo que CONDIMENTO es mejor" which to me meant " I think condoms are better" I was convinced he was really weird and could not figure out why he was telling me in a restaurant that condoms are better. The next day at a large banquet for all the students and teachers different students were given different awards. I was given a "COMIDA SEGURIDAD" or "FOOD SAFETY" award. When presented the award the director of the school said the entire town was impressed but a little confused with my passion for food safety so much so that I needed to use a condom to eat mayonnaise. It was then explained to the entire group that PRESERATIVOS are condoms and CONDIMENTOS are preservatives/spices for food and I had spent the past 6 weeks requesting "No mayonnaise, please. I don't eat mayonnaise without a condom." instead of "I don't eat mayonnaise without preservatives." All I could think of were all the wonderful little old sweet ladies that had served me tacos de nopales and I had shared with them my healthy preservation needs.